Cheating

I downloaded the book from Oprah's website about Why Men Cheat, although I haven't read it yet. Has anyone else? I heard there was fallout from the show, the jest of it all being that men don't get enough attention to at home, and then they cheat. The women in the audience said they didn't always get sex either, and they didn't cheat. Well, some women do cheat--but generally speaking, they didn't. My husband was getting what he wanted but he just wanted something different. He felt we were in a rut.

I'm very comfortable with the same, with variation within the same, but I derive comfort from knowing what to expect, from having routine, from waking up next to the same person year after year. Unfortunately the last part of my marriage became a roommate situation, and then under the guise of a marriage sabbatical, separation. Now divorce. Everyday there are periods of time when my heart hurts like it's been tromped on by a herd of buffalo. It is unfathomable to me that the heart can hurt this badly. After all, it is just emotion creating this pain. Does emotion come from muscle, the brain, the emotional body—whatever it is, it is potent.

I learned in a class explaining emotional well-being and difficult emotions, that there is more information going from the heart to the brain than from the brain to the heart. This is an important fact that little of us know. As my husband and came closer to the end, the more he accelerated leaving behind his hunt by finding a new honey. And the more I tried to hold onto him, the more he shut me out. I realize he was dealing with his pain in his own way—finding a new honey was a solution, as valid as any, I guess. I feel sorry for her, however, because he couldn't possibly be finished with the grief--at least from my point of view that would be true.

Well, this isn't supposed to be about me, it is supposed to be about the garden. The garden—ah blighted tomatoes. Yes, it is rainging. I just don't have the stamina right now to go at it, build little tomato houses, keep things going well in to the winter. But I may have a burst of energy soon, who knows. I may get to that kale planted instead of pining away, my heart mending bit by bit. I have a meeting this morning, so have to get going. More later about the saga of the divorcee.

Flowering Flower

PS At the Unitarian service this morning the minister spoke about the healing properties of music. This I have forgotten, so a solution, a medicine for the ailing heart. I will take it for however long it takes. That and my hands digging in soil.