Le Jardin

Happy in my skin—an old post title. This one, not so happy in my skin—and why would that be? I have everything I need. I am abundant and lucky, yet unhappy. Is it all in my head, this loneliness?

Le Jardin—garden of Eden. I was raised Christian, learning of the verdant garden where Adam and Eve first tasted that fruit of knowledge. Is it only our thinking minds that make us miserable? Now that I have decree, I feel more heartbroken than ever. I have grief and my many things: money, a home, but no person to share them with. What is the point? To me, this isn't a lush garden.

Yesterday I went to the garden to water. (We've had several hot days—the gelato store was hopping yesterday, let me tell you.) I hoed and watered and wished for my old life back, a life where I could be sitting on the beach, pondering the meaning of everything. Instead I was nursing a headache, watering in the baking sun, and trying to realize the meaning of being divorced, to not have someone to bicker with about the lack of understanding or the lack of love I'm receiving. Where does this garden of Eden begin? Inside I suppose.

Last night I watched a move, The Contest Winner. In this moving the husband, a raving alcoholic, kept running his family of ten children into the ground by drinking up the resources to purchase food and pay for a roof over their head. The wife kept winning jingle contests: prize money, & stuff. Up until the end the mother/wife kept smiling, for the most part anyway, smiling and loving everyone—including her drunken husband. Perhaps all happiness is is smiling despite of adversity.

Yesterday I set up my garden room. Today I'll fill the pot with soil and plant carrot seed. I'll let you know how well growing carrots in a pot works. Well, I think.

Happy gardening,
Flower